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I'm in an amazing mood, overall. I went driving on the main road for the first time,today. It felt amazing to be behind the wheel. :D I can't wait until I get to go again. I just got done putting my clothes up, and tomorrow I will be cleaning the WHOLE house. Whew, it's gonna be hard. but I get 100$. =) I am watching the Transformers 2 commercial on TV, can't wait! Oh, i'm going to the beach this coming Sunday. I'm excited for that, I get to see my beautiful baby brother. <3 I miss him, my dad and step mom, tons. And I get to see them when we go to the beach, minus my father. But I'm used to not seeing him, so it's okay. I might get to see him later this month. And my cousin from Florida is coming tomorrow! He will be officially living in Alabama, jldfsklgfhdkgjhd! Ahh, I feel wonderful. Going shopping wednesday! WOOO! okay, i'm done for now. buhbye.
And I WILL be different. I will NOT stand for all the crap I have been putting up with. I won't let anyone step all over me or take advantage of my friendship. I put up with all that this past year and now I'm sick of it, I really am. I've got my real friends by my side, so I don't need anyone else who doesn't matter bring me down. And I will have the power to just walk away and say, "I don't need this." You just watch and see. ;)

I don't really know anymore.

I really and truly don't know what I want, know, or need anymore. Everything is happening so fast, it's like a blur before my eyes. I don't know exactly what, but something has changed. Something drastic. I have no clue what that thing is, and I'm not sure I really want to know.  I just feel like the weather changing in my direction and I need to figure some things out. I miss having some people in my life, well more than they are now. I never really was close to this certain person, even though I wish I could be. Oh, how I wish for us to be close like every other family I see. I want to have that special relationship that you are suppose to have with your father. But sadly, that will most likely never happen. And that is what hurts me the most.

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June 2009


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